Kampala is a city with a dream – of one day getting our own bus service. Whenever it rains, which is often, we are reminded how chaotic our traffic can be. The recent drizzles and brief showers usually associated with this season have driven the point home – it is no longer worthwhile having a car.

And the irony of it, as I discovered recently from an official statistic, is that there are only 300,000 cars in the city. What would happen if we had Nairobi’s million-plus vehicles? When a drizzle starts in Kampala, everyone stays off the road, and when it stops a few minutes later, everyone wants to go somewhere. And so you get traffic pile-ups everywhere.

Last year, there was excitement when the news broke that a consortium was going to introduce a bus service to end the congestion in the city centre. Well, the promised launch date came and passed with no buses in sight. A new date was set earlier this year, which also passed. They are still making promises, though.

Meanwhile, we continue commuting in  14-seater vans that seem to make a lot of more sense than personal saloon cars. With the congestion around, you burn all your fuel in the jam and end up getting nowhere, while the vans climb the pavements and get past you. And the passengers in the vans pay a token sum compared with your layout on fuel, time and patience lost.

But there are still some three types of cars worth driving in Kampala. First, you can do with the really tiny cars that can execute a U-turn in a one-way street and disappear down a side road in search of another route out of the city.

Second, you can use one of those monster off-roaders. The thing about these four-wheel-drive vehicles is their mean look. Other drivers give them a wide berth to reduce the risk of coming into contact with their fenders.

The third option is to get a very expensive, shiny limousine. Other drivers are afraid of coming near it in case of a scratch that would cost a fortune to fix. People jokingly warn new motorists that they will need to sell off their saloon to pay the repair bill if they scratch a millionaire’s limo.

So if you want to drive around Kampala these days without losing your head, forget about average cars. It is a city where only extremes thrive. Or else use a public transport van.

But there is a final option – the motorcycle taxi locally known as boda boda. It is becoming increasingly popular with the more practical members of society – the Asians. As broke Africans sit motionless in their cars in a traffic jam, boda bodas carrying Asian traders pass them with their wealthy passengers perched on the pillion seat. But your average Kampalan is not ready to be seen riding a motorcycle. People will think he is broke. So he would rather burn several litres of fuel in his secondhand "junk" and borrow money to refill the tank tomorrow. The irony of public administration is that the boda bodas are being chased away from the city centre, where they are most needed.

There is another guy who is not averse to using the boda boda in congested situations. You have probably heard of him. His name is Yoweri Museveni. Actually, the only mechanical means of transport he owns is a boda boda. According to the mandatory asset declaration filed by leaders with the Inspector General of Government, Museveni has one boda boda but no personal car. He used to have two of these bikes but one was stolen by a herdsman. Now he has only one. But he calls the shots in Uganda. And the car owners in the country must wish they had a fraction of the power that he does.
 

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